is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
