Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
