Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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