I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
