So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
