Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
