I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
