I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
