Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
