someone threw a dead crab at me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
A bitchslap is in order.
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