No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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