My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
