I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
