I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
