also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
