WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
