You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
