neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
