she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
