do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
