evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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