before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
