I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Let's get the cat blown out
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
