I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
