the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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