he shaved USA in his pubs
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
