i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
