Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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