i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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