dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
