Define "chronic" masturbator.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
