she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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