the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
