it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
