So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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