I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
