he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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