you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
