I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
last night I used snow as a chaser
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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