Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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