no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
