Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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