Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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