At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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