I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
