I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
