I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
