first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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