Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
