dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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