She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
