Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
