You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
